‘I breathe out my heart on the other side of the river, I believe that happiness is on the other side. I breathe out my heart on the other side of the river; I say, whatever happiness is on the other side’.
What is ‘happiness’? Is there a specific definition of it? What is the ultimate happiness for one person may not have any meaning for another. At the end of the day, you have to know yourself, understand yourself, and decide by understanding yourself, what is happiness for me, what is the definition of happiness? Take this for example, Rabeya’s life is full of eating Panta Bhaat every morning, happiness for her means eating hot Polao on Eid. Again, seeing various kinds of delicious food on the table every day, Polao-Korma, Kebab, Roast-Rejala cannot bring any new surprises to Neela, Panta-Ilisha on New Year’s Day is the happiest in her life.
After school, Rosie, who walks or rides a rickshaw home every day, with the sun on her head, looks at her friend, Neela, and sees a beautiful jeep waiting at the school gate. She thinks this is happiness! On the other hand, when Neela comes out of school and sees her friends buying pickles from the pickle seller and walking home, eating jhalmuri or ice cream, and talking, she really wants to experience that happiness. But as soon as she comes out of the school gate, the driver uncle opens the gate of the car and stands in such a way that there is no chance to look left or right. One day, when she comes out of school, she sees her friends having fun and getting wet in the rain, making a fuss. She really wants to get wet with her friends, but the driver uncle doesn’t let her, saying that her mother will get angry. So, like a wise girl with an umbrella on her head, Neela had to get into the car, that elusive happiness was no longer tangible.
When her friend Malti got into a rickshaw with her boyfriend Ashiq after leaving college, Ashiq put the first flower of the cloudy day in her hand, then the dazzling sun suddenly poured down on both of them in a stream of water, how beautifully Ashiq hugged Malti! Looking at her from afar, Roshni thought, if only her boyfriend were this romantic! But her boyfriend, Rakib, is made of any metal! During college vacations, she brought her car and waited in the car. Whenever she saw him, she shouted, ‘Come up quickly, you will catch a cold in the rain!’ Roshni wanted to shout then, I want to sit in the rickshaw and enjoy the rain with you, not in the car! The happiness she desired remained elusive to Roshni forever.
Rudra’s plans for Ratri’s birthday are endless. For two months, he has been planning to spend the entire night before Ratri’s birthday with Rudra. The two of them will have dinner together, sit on the bank of the lake, sing songs, and spend all the money he has saved to take lots of pictures of the moon and Ratri. Right at midnight, when the moon passes parallel to the tip of Ratri’s forehead, Rudra will wish Ratri a happy birthday, put the newly bought ring on her hand, and fill Ratri’s entire radiant body with kisses. But, he has not tried to understand, is this happiness for Ratri? Ratri’s friend Sara’s birthday is on the same day. When Sara said that she would go to the mall with her boyfriend for her birthday, buy all her favorite brands of bags, shoes, watches, and perfumes from the outlet, eat together at a restaurant, go to a pub and dance the night away with her friends, that was what Ratri liked best, it felt like ‘happiness’!
My friend Piyal’s wife has a pretty good corporate job. That morning, the office car would come and take Mau to the office at 9:30, and she would leave after 8:00. And during the closing time at the end of the month, when foreign clients come, if there is a party or a special meeting, sometimes that time would even go past midnight. While waiting, Piyal would cook, clean the house, feed the children, put them to bed, and fall asleep himself. But, at the end of the month, he had no more thoughts about the house rent, electricity bills, shopping, medicine, gifts for various guests, sending money home, the children’s hundred-dollar expenses, or anything else. Even with the monthly salary that Mau earns, Piyal’s cigarette expenses and household expenses are easily paid off. When his friend Mizan finishes work at 10 pm, hangs around on the bus and goes home, talking to Piyal on the phone, Piyal feels quite jealous of his wife’s luck. He thinks, by the time he reaches home, it will be past 11 pm, he will finish everything, sleep for a few hours and rush to work again in the morning!
Even then, he could not save himself by collecting some money and fixing the leaky roof of the house. Whenever it rained a little, his wife, Maya, and the children would take a bowl and a plate and calculate the amount along the leak in the roof, and set the plates, but still, there was no saving him. Mizan no longer liked to go home at night after a hard day’s work and sleep on that wet bed. Sleeping on a wet bed like this every day, his son ended up with pneumonia. With the expenses he had incurred on doctors, checkups, tests, and medicines, he didn’t even have money to go to the market that month. Seeing the hungry children and being fed up with his wife’s whining, Mizan went to Piyal’s house that day to borrow some money. Unable to bring himself to eat anything after going to Piyal’s house, he began to feel a sense of inferiority complex. Piyal was cooking at that time. His wife would be a little late in coming. And if he returns quickly, Mau does not want to harm his skin by going to the stove. However, when Piyal asks about Mizan’s day while cooking.
Mizan, as if hoping for happiness, says quite falsely that he is fine. At least he can eat his wife’s cooking without using the kitchen utensils! What happiness was in this attack! What a beautiful, shiny house, Piyal’s table full of delicious food! After eating all that, borrowing money from a friend, he met his friend, Mau, as he was going down the stairs. That spreading fragrance when Mau walked past, her brisk walk, the click of her sharp heels, and the bright smile somehow cut a scratch in his chest. But she wanted to be Mizan’s girlfriend in college! How sexy she looked at him! He would touch her hand a little bit on various pretexts, a friend even suggested proposing. But soon, under the pressure of his father’s illness, his younger sister’s marriage, etc., Mizan almost stopped going to college. And when he returned a month later, the campus was filled with only Piyal and Mau’s love story. He was as if he was more artistic than the designer woven by his grandmother.
Today, when Mau walked past him, curling her lips slightly and smiling softly, spreading fragrance on the stairs, a kind of pain of not getting what he wanted twisted in his chest. Thinking in a bored way, he returned home on foot. By the time he returned home with the money, it was already night, and there was no more shopping. And when Maya started complaining about returning home empty-handed, Mizan left the house, went outside, went to a corner of the field, and lay down, counting and counting the things he had not gotten in his life. Seeing Mau engaged to a friend, he also seduced Maya, the most beautiful girl in the college, got entangled in the web of love, and married her. But he could not find any similarity between Mau, who had somehow managed to find a place in the ranks of beauties during her time in college, and the beautiful Mau who had robbed him of sleep tonight! On the other hand, he could not find any connection between Maya, the number one beautiful girl in the college, and Maya, who had today’s big body, dry hair, sweaty body and smell, and wearing a loose dirty maxi. Mizan sighed and said to himself, how happy my friend Piyal is!
Happiness has a different color, smell, form, taste, and charm for each person. Do not compare yourself with others, do not depend on the map of happiness drawn by others, search for your own happiness, recognize your own happiness.
Scarborough, Canada
