I threw the sari in a corner of the bed because I didn’t like it. I don’t know if Adib noticed. Every year, for any occasion, the same type of sari is bought for all the daughters-in-law in the house. Since it’s a joint family, all four daughters-in-law wear saris of the same design, just in different colors.
I can’t say anything to my in-laws. Two years have passed since my marriage, and I still can’t buy a different sari or anything else I like for any festival or occasion. If I buy something, they insist that I buy the same thing for everyone else. I only buy small, insignificant things for myself secretly.
I was my parents’ darling. I never lacked anything. I had everything according to my wishes. But after marrying Adib and coming into a joint family, everything turned upside down. I never thought our marriage would be like this.
Hearing stories about their families from my friends, I feel like I’m a prisoner in a jail.
Even during meals, we all sat down to eat only after all the men had finished. I couldn’t take seconds of a dish I liked. If one of my sisters-in-law couldn’t sit down to eat because of her child, we would divide the remaining food among ourselves, and there would never be anything extra.
On Eid, all the daughters-in-law would bathe, wear new clothes of the same kind, greet the father-in-law and mother-in-law, and have breakfast together. My father-in-law and mother-in-law would call the four of us after eating and, sitting us together, would look at us for a long time and say,
“Don’t be angry. I feel a strange kind of peace seeing you all together like this. My heart feels full. After we’re gone, you can live as you please.”
I felt a bit bad hearing those words that day.
However, I felt very happy when my elder sister-in-law made pickles with raw mangoes from the tree. But again, I didn’t get extra. As soon as I finished eating and went to my room, I saw a bowl of pickles on the dressing table and was very happy. My elder sister-in-law came behind and said, “I know you like it a lot, so I’ve hidden some extra for you.” I was so happy with just this little thing.
After quite a few days, there was a dispute between my two brothers-in-law over something. My elder brother wanted to separate. My father-in-law and mother-in-law agreed to separate them, but they had to eat and stay separately in this house.
Their business problems were not resolved. They separated, but they also made separate rooms in the same house.
The wish or word of my father-in-law and mother-in-law was that they could see their children together until they died. I got a job at a city college but couldn’t convince them, no matter how much I tried. They had one word, “Do whatever you want to do here. You can’t live far away. The city is too far from the village. It will be difficult to commute. It won’t work from here.” So in the end, I didn’t take up the job.
There was a lot of anger and resentment. Adib had said this earlier, but I didn’t realize it would be this bad. In the heat of the moment, I didn’t pay much attention to it. He also didn’t disobey his parents.
Seeing my wishes being broken like this repeatedly, a kind of aversion was unconsciously creeping into my mind. I wasn’t used to such a big family.
I often had arguments with Adib about these things. Yet, Adib kept everything bottled up inside.
Whenever I was upset, I would go and sit behind the kitchen, all alone. One evening, when I was sitting there feeling sad, my mother-in-law scolded me a little. Because I had just conceived. She said it was not right to go out suddenly at such a time.
I went to my room without saying anything. My sister-in-law used to say many things many times, but I didn’t pay much attention to them.
I went to my father’s house for a few days to feel a little better. My mother was also unwell, and my father was alone.
I was going to take care of them. At home, it was just me, my parents, and my brother. My brother studies outside. I went to the terrace to dry clothes after taking a bath. While coming down, I suddenly slipped and fell.
When I found myself on a hospital bed, my body felt numb. I’m in the hospital, then at home, Mom? As soon as Adib came, I asked. He said, “Don’t worry.”
In the hospital, along with Adib, my sister-in-law was staying with me. Fortunately, there was no major harm to the baby. But I had to stay here for at least a week.
I was worried about my parents; what were they doing? My younger sister-in-law said, “You don’t have to worry about these things from here.
My sisters-in-law would neatly tie my hair, drape sarees on me, feed me, ensure I took my medicine, and tell me stories, all in perfect rhythm. It felt like I was experiencing the warmth of an elder sister after a long time. It’s during challenging times that you truly get to know people.
Five days later, my father arrived. He was also unwell and could barely walk. I asked him about everything. His reply surprised me. Both my parents were at my in-laws’ place. Initially, my sister-in-law was at my paternal home to take care of my mother. But since my father fell ill, he was brought home too. My father-in-law and mother-in-law were spending a wonderful time with them. My father narrated everything with a smile.
I don’t know why, but my eyes welled up repeatedly.
Shortly after, my father-in-law came with an envelope. Handing it to me, he said, “Keep this. You’ll need it a year later.”
When I inquired, he said, “A college is opening in a rural area. Your father-in-law has arranged a teaching position for you there. But not now, after you have your baby.”
I was overjoyed beyond words. Today, I truly understood the meaning of family. I had no idea such a large family could be so loving.
I learned today. It’s in tough times that you know who’s truly there for you. Perhaps, in the life I had hoped for, I wouldn’t have found this kind of happiness. This kind of happiness isn’t found everywhere, it seems. Maybe this is the love of a joint family.
I returned home from the hospital. Adib was coming later as there wasn’t enough space in the car. After finishing the necessary hospital work…
Everyone at home was together, smiling. In the midst of this, the news came that Adib was no more. A road accident, the car had completely submerged in the river. Everyone’s smiling faces turned pale in an instant. I was seeing darkness. Why did this have to happen in the midst of everything!
I couldn’t believe it. It felt like my world had been destroyed. As if I had lost my own identity within myself, it was so painful. Without Adib, my world was completely empty!
Yet, looking at my parents, I tried to forget everything. I had two fathers and two mothers. And my unborn child!
I may cry for Adib in the darkness of the night, but seeing the smiling faces of those people in the sunlight, I try to find my own well-being. I try to fill the space of love for the parents who lost their child.
And I am here with my memories and this very large family of mine.
Love is truly strange. On one hand, it gives happiness, and on the other, it makes you cry.
