If you expect change, don’t punish them in front of everyone. Call them aside, speak privately. It’s not right to discipline a child in front of others. It’s also inappropriate to scold your wife in front of her mother to show dominance. The most beautiful method of discipline is to first praise and then point out the area for improvement. If discipline becomes torture, then reconsider. You cannot change someone through fear, violence, or confinement. Never criticize someone in their absence to correct them; instead, the critic’s sin increases.
This generation’s children have a strong sense of self-respect. So, criticizing someone publicly can backfire. Slapping someone or scolding them in front of everyone after receiving a complaint can increase resentment. If someone makes a mistake, it’s more effective to speak privately to them rather than saying a few harsh words in front of two people. Telling someone they’re wrong, warning them, or asking them to stop doing something should be done privately. The virtuous and the wise follow this simple path. The incompetent find pleasure in poking fun at others.
The person you publicly insulted may seem insignificant to you, but they are cherished by their parents, respected by their children, loved by their siblings, and revered by their wife. Therefore, publicly reprimanding them is akin to burying them alive. When a person loses their identity, they can easily perform any terrible act. Whoever you want to reprimand or warn, whether an enemy or a friend, if possible, first call them privately. If the mistake is repeated, take action considering the situation. Never exploit someone in the name of discipline.
There is no virtue greater than keeping someone’s faults secret. Allah has promised to keep the secrets of those who keep the secrets of others. It’s a futile hope to expect that people you live with will wish you well if you publicly humiliate them. Whether you point out your wife’s mistakes publicly or privately, or reprimand her in front of the family or alone, the outcome will be different. I say, there is no need for public reprimand, even for experimentation. Both discipline and affection should be carried out in private. Tell them privately whatever they deserve to hear, scold them privately, or show anger privately – positive change will come. Humiliating someone cannot change them for the better; rather, it drives them away.
Humans crave respect and dignity from one another. Even a seemingly insignificant public humiliation can make someone lose their sense of right and wrong. Mistakes are a part of being human. We learn from our errors. One who makes no mistakes is an angel, one who makes a single mistake is a devil, and one who makes many mistakes is human. Therefore, severe punishment for minor mistakes and public humiliation for major ones should be avoided. Change happens gradually. If someone doesn’t understand, they must be explained to. If someone makes a mistake, they should be told, gently reprimanded, or given a minor, just punishment. However, if the intention behind punishing someone’s mistake is to humiliate or degrade them, it will only exacerbate the issue. Only vindictive people would organize a public spectacle of humiliation in the name of correcting someone’s mistake. Being noble is not just a phrase; it requires actions guided by conscience. Deceitful impulses should always be avoided.
